Okay. So it happened. The burnout hit, and it hard hard. 

And the best part?  I knew it was coming- but I ignored every bloody sign and continued to push myself more and more.  It’s almost as though I subconsciously wanted to feel as drained and empty as humanly possible- which is wild. So, I continuously put myself into vulnerable positions and poured all my energy into things that literally drained my reserves… and before you think it or ask, I made zero attempts to make any form of effort to ‘refill my cup’ because tale as old as time– I had no time for that.  

Am I a sucker for punishment? Maybe. Or was I just too exhausted to make any rational thought that would have benefited me? Also, a maybe.  All I really know is that I’ve been living my life on autopilot for the last (almost) year and not considering myself whatsoever. 

I think this is what society refers to as ‘mom-life’ and to be honest, this is what’s expected of us.

I don’t think I need to elaborate on that so, back to this burnout…

We’ve all seen the memes, the quotes and general posts…  that it’s no ‘walk-in-the-park’ to be a Mum. We’re expected to do the morning routine, get everyone to their respective places, work a full day, be home in time to grab the kids, make dinner and have them at their extra-curricular activities (sometimes all before 5pm.) Logistically, it makes no sense. And no one is there at the end of the day to award you the Gold Medal that was so rightfully earned! It’s thankless because it’s expected, and I think this is where my burnout stemmed from. 

Working in a male-dominated industry isn’t for the faint of heart on the best of days, let alone being one of the only females. I was swimming with the sharks daily and was putting the job before my family, friends and worst of all… myself (whom I lost). My values and non-negotiables became nothing more than a speck of dust in the rearview mirror, that I was speeding away from. I poured the energy (that I didn’t have) into every step I took, every thought that went through my mind and every action I took. Stress and exhaustion were showing up the second I opened my eyes in the morning and instead of refilling my own cup, I fell victim to imposter syndrome and met a version of myself I couldn’t have cared less to know. I never celebrated any of my successes and fought back tears for far too long. It got to the point that I was praying to be fired and was scrolling through job ads all the time. I burnt out.

Please don’t get me wrong- I did love my job. I loved the people (well, majority of them) and took every challenge and mistake as an opportunity to improve myself or as a general team. But at the end of the day, I had to come to the realization that my work was simply exhausting me and leaving me feel uninspired. I gave in to the rat race of life and became a robot, going through the motions of my day but feeling empty, bland and worthless. I knew I had to make a change. 

I’m no stranger to change. I’ve made many changes in my life and do think I’m extremely adaptable to new environments and influences. I take pride in this quality of mine and it’s because of this that I wasn’t scared to make the jump. It felt scary enough to jump and that’s when I knew it was time. So, I did. I met with two of my most respectable colleagues and let it out. If you know me, you are aware that there were also some significant external factors that lead me down the road to this decision. My main priority was to be at home, supporting my children through one of their own strangest times. (I’ll save that story for another time… I promise it’s a goodie)! But, in good faith, I decided to take what I called a “self-love-summer-sabbatical” to heal, be present with my children and search for something that set my soul on fire without leaving me depleted. 

So, that’s what I did. My first couple of weeks being off were full of body aches and flu-like symptoms. After a long period of time, my body was releasing all the tension it had been building and it was cathartic. I was physically, mentally and emotionally in pain but knew this release was going to provide the freedom that I was so desperately chasing. It took time but I eventually stopped flinching in my sleep, the bags under my eyes slowly began to fade and there was a mental clarity that allowed me to re-focus and keep myself on the path back to me. I’m in the process of digging deep into the dreams I had when I was a younger girl and full of life and inspiration. I replaced the bleach in my hair to my natural hue and turned shopping trips into fresh market stops. Perfumes have turned into grounding essential oils and gaudy jewelry has turned into simple gold pieces. And I will say that none of these things truly mean anything in the grand scheme of it all, but these are things that helped me bring it back to my basics for my rebuild. 

Lord knows I’ve been through a lot, and I could have blamed my trauma to completely fall apart but I’d rather turn this into my superpower and take myself back. Although I don’t have the answer quite yet, I know I’m more aligned with myself and on the path to my greatest self and abilities. So, that’s where I am. Summer 2024 has been, and will continue to be, my greatest healing era. 

And… I’m excited for what’s coming.